Maybe she’s born with it, maybe it’s trauma

Image – red spatters behind the words maybe she’s born with it,  maybe it’s trauma.

Been thinking a lot lately about intergenerational trauma and how we carry the pain of our parents in our flesh.

I will never know the full potentials I was born with because of the changes complex trauma made in my brain, body and heart.

Writing Snakes and Ladders peeled the scabs off so many traumas that I assumed I knew everything there was to know about the secrets hidden in my body. Turns out I was so very wrong.

The recent secrets that came out about my grandparents has shaken things up again, ripped off a few more thick and bulky scabs. My body is telling some stories at the moment that my brain doesn’t want to remember.

The traumas that happened to my grandparents during WWII can be clearly traced down through my mother to explain her monstrosity. She became what she was because of intergenerational trauma. And then she made me what I am.

I’m writing this story out, trying to find a way into unpacking the links to more. But I’m also following the leads and getting the evidence I’ll need for the lawyers to let me publish all of the bits this time.

I’m putting in freedom of information requests and poking the ‘official’ world to document these traumas from top to bottom.

So many people have told me how Snakes and Ladders helped them see and understand their traumas better. This time I’m going to help us understand how the traumas trickle down through the generations. I only hope I can do this story the justice it deserves.

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